I've been thinking of writing this for the past month but haven't had the time. This is about God's will for my life. This is about accepting and embracing what God has in store for me.
During the five years that my husband was in diaconate formation, I rarely let it affect my life. I mean, we did scale down some of our volunteer activities and some of the joint ministry activities. But it wasn't until he was ordained two and a half years ago, that I really had to humble myself and it hasn't been easy. At about the same time that he was ordained, I encountered personalities that were jealous of my husband's ministry and since they couldn't cut him out, they chose to do it to me. Probably one of the most painful times in my life. It was difficult for me to be the target of egos when all I wanted to do was serve. I shed many tears, maybe for selfish reasons of wanting to be included, but also because I felt that I was trying to do God's will.
With the birth of our sixth child six months ago, I've had to once again adjust. Now I'm a pro at adjusting: I've been married for over 22 years, have moved five times and have lived in two different cities, have had babies spanning 21 years, and had a husband that traveled a lot for work and eventually a deacon serving in ministry four or five days a week. But this time has been harder for some reason. I just can't find the time to be as active in serving as I have in the past, not with my husband's ministry and family commitments. But God has been gifting me with an understanding of what He wants from me. Not what I expected, but one that I'm embracing.
So, I think I have a better understanding of 'talents' that God asks of me. I have for a long time as a SAHM who thought in my early years that I would be a career woman but found myself home with children and am still home after 19 years. But sometimes 'talents' mean what you don't involve yourself in so that you enable others to do that, whether that be your husband, children, or members of your community.
I may be the best singer (I'm not really!) or the best speaker or whatever. But it's not for me to be in the spotlight even if I am the best. My time has past. My job as a mother or mentor is to encourage those with abilities to come forward. Good leaders in the Church recognize this and good parents do too. Any leader who can do their job without appearing in the limelight is the true leader and being the 'man behind the curtain' is sometimes the most important job of all. That is how I am being called to serve now.
I certainly don't want a pity party, although writing this post I realize that I might somehow be asking for one. Can you write about striving for humility without sounding anything but humble? I guess that what I'm trying to say is that even when you allow God to guide you, and you know that it's different from what you expected, you can't ever get too comfortable in thinking you know what God expects from you because come tomorrow, He may be asking something different. Something that you never dreamed of doing. Are you humble enough to follow?