Is it humble to talk about striving for humility?

I've been thinking of writing this for the past month but haven't had the time. This is about God's will for my life. This is about accepting and embracing what God has in store for me.

During the five years that my husband was in diaconate formation, I rarely let it affect my life. I mean, we did scale down some of our volunteer activities and some of the joint ministry activities. But it wasn't until he was ordained two and a half years ago, that I really had to humble myself and it hasn't been easy. At about the same time that he was ordained, I encountered personalities that were jealous of my husband's ministry and since they couldn't cut him out, they chose to do it to me. Probably one of the most painful times in my life. It was difficult for me to be the target of egos when all I wanted to do was serve. I shed many tears, maybe for selfish reasons of wanting to be included, but also because I felt that I was trying to do God's will.

With the birth of our sixth child six months ago, I've had to once again adjust. Now I'm a pro at adjusting: I've been married for over 22 years, have moved five times and have lived in two different cities, have had babies spanning 21 years, and had a husband that traveled a lot for work and eventually a deacon serving in ministry four or five days a week. But this time has been harder for some reason. I just can't find the time to be as active in serving as I have in the past, not with my husband's ministry and family commitments. But God has been gifting me with an understanding of what He wants from me. Not what I expected, but one that I'm embracing.

So, I think I have a better understanding of 'talents' that God asks of me. I have for a long time as a SAHM who thought in my early years that I would be a career woman but found myself home with children and am still home after 19 years. But sometimes 'talents' mean what you don't involve yourself in so that you enable others to do that, whether that be your husband, children, or members of your community.

I may be the best singer (I'm not really!) or the best speaker or whatever. But it's not for me to be in the spotlight even if I am the best. My time has past. My job as a mother or mentor is to encourage those with abilities to come forward. Good leaders in the Church recognize this and good parents do too. Any leader who can do their job without appearing in the limelight is the true leader and being the 'man behind the curtain' is sometimes the most important job of all. That is how I am being called to serve now.

I certainly don't want a pity party, although writing this post I realize that I might somehow be asking for one. Can you write about striving for humility without sounding anything but humble? I guess that what I'm trying to say is that even when you allow God to guide you, and you know that it's different from what you expected, you can't ever get too comfortable in thinking you know what God expects from you because come tomorrow, He may be asking something different. Something that you never dreamed of doing. Are you humble enough to follow?

Our Lady of La Leche

I believe it was when I was nursing my fifth child five years ago that a friend gave me a holy card of Our Lady of La Leche from the shrine of the same name in St. Augustine, FL from which she had just returned. Admittedly I never heard of it, but it was a beautiful image and something that I could definitely relate to.

Since that time I have held that holy card in a devotional book that I've picked up from time to time.

I'm recounting this because St. Peter's List has a post of twenty images of Mary nursing the baby Jesus (well actually 19 as the last one is a painting of St. Bernard with a statue of Mary that 'came to life'). The post certainly affirms the maternal of our Blessed Mother.

Large family...impossible to be a good parent?

I've noticed over the past few years that ESPN has really towed the line as far as being politically correct. Many of their reporters have espoused those thoughts and those who haven't have felt the wrath of the powers that be at ESPN and lost their jobs, like Craig James or Chris Broussard. However when comments or portrayals don't fall under politically correct, like many other news media outlets, ESPN gets a free pass. 

The most recent outrage, although not from the main-stream media, but just in conservative circles is Sam Alipour's ESPN The Magazine's recent interview with San Diego quarterback Philip Rivers. Rivers is asked about comments that people make about him being a whiner. This was the exchange:

Six kids? Regardless of your profession, it's impossible to be a good parent to six kids. Not enough hours in the day.-- From TheBigLead.com comments
It's a two-year rotation: Once the diapers come off of one, we usually have a newborn. And we have another one on the way, due in October. I help when I can, but my wife, Tiffany, is the key. My big, growing family keeps everything balanced and grounded. My oldest is 11 now, and the kids are getting into football. They're Daddy's biggest fans, and they don't get on you as bad as most fans. If you throw an interception, they still love you.

Kudo's to Rivers who handled the comment diplomatically, but what does that comment have to do with his playing style or his on-field behavior? Why bring it up at all? Because six kids is obviously out of the norm and not covered by the doctrine of politically correct thought. The comment was obviously made by someone who doesn't have a clue about large families. Granted, our family likes Rivers and not just because he plays for San Diego, where my sister lives and we LOVE to visit. But because he is a man of faith who tries to keep his life in perspective. He is a leader on and off the field who hunts out the oldest church in the city when he's on the road so that he can attend Mass before the game. He's also dedicated much of his free time to charitable causes.

But back to the comment...Impossible to be a good parent to six kids?! No it's not easy, there is always a child who needs something. But as a mother of six, I can say that my children are hardly ever bored and there is rarely a time when a child feels unloved. Maybe parents of large families don't have the time to adhere to society's ideal of being a perfect parent. But considering our society's ideal, I'd say that's a good thing. No, my children are not involved in an exhaustive number of extra curricular activities. No, we don't let them attend every birthday party they are invited to (Since when has it become appropriate to have TWO class birthday parties for a six year old? No joke). No, we don't go crazy with play dates and outings and we don't agonize if we don't have a jam-packed fun-filled weekend scheduled for our precious babies.

So what we do have? Love, and lots of it. When my two college-aged children come home after a rough day they usually run right over to the baby or the five year old and scoop them up for a hug. When I am in the middle of fixing dinner and the seven year old wants something, he finds a sibling. When I'm nursing the baby and one of the children gets a boo boo, my high schooler is there to make it feel all better. Oh, and we have the squabbles too, but that helps our children learn to get along with others. We are a family that loves each other, comforts each other, and is there for each other. That doesn't mean that I pawn off my parenting duties to my children, it just means that there are more intimate connections for my children to make. That's what society doesn't get, because we don't conform to their ideals, they think that large families are anything but ideal and therefore open to bashing.

I'm not suggesting that small families are in any way less than a large family because they are small. I only need reminded of the Holy Family to humble my opinion. But a little understanding here would be nice.

We still try to give our children memorable experiences, but it isn't the focus of our existence. I would be willing to bet money (if I believed in gambling, ha ha) that my children would much rather spend evenings playing board games with each other, talking to their siblings, and having Mom snuggle with them then going to pee wee football practice every night or having dinner at McDonald's. I know that there are some sacrifices with large families. There are times that I haven't been able to give my children some of the things that they've wanted, either materially or time-wise. But, I believe in the long-term they will see the love that exist between my husband and me and the fruit of that love which is our children, recognize the sacrifice, and relate it to the love that God has for all of us.

Has it really been that long?

Well it has been almost 11 months since I posted. My own blog has now been labeled as a 'Dead Blog' on my feed. The fact is that I haven't felt called to post during those months and I thought that I'd just let my blog die. But for the past month, I have felt called to start blogging again. What happened during these past 11 months? She did...

When last I posted in late October, I had committed to writing materials for the year for a women's faith-sharing group and knew that I wouldn't have a lot of time to maintain a blog but I still thought that I could spend some time on it. But I also didn't realize that I was expecting. Although I didn't have many complications during the pregnancy, I felt awful the entire time. I have never known a whole-body exhaustion like I experienced with this pregnancy. Chalk it up to my 'advanced maternal age' I guess. But the moment that she was born, I felt instantly better.

Now she is a happy, and very doted-on, two-month-old. Here she is with her big sister.

Perhaps it was part of God's will that I take some time off, focus on the pregnancy, and get back to writing when I felt like writing or perhaps it was just my old body telling me to rest. In any case, I've labeled that time as 'The Lost Year.' Not that it was squandered, but many days I felt like it was just an effort to get the necessary chores for the day done. My wonderful husband was there to pitch in wherever I needed him, especially playing Dad and Mom at times to the other children. I am thankful to feel much better now albeit tired. I have a two-month-old after all!

Just a few more pictures of my little princess: Here is our family at her christening. My favorite deacon did not perform the baptism. We asked our pastor to do the honors. While he could have baptized, several priests who we consulted suggested that he would be performing two functions (as a deacon and as a father) and therefore he really should function only as 'the Dad.'

Yes, we are a busy household here. My oldest two are in college and living at home! My son has a 44 mile commute on the days that he has class and thankfully my daughter's commute is less. But we actually have five cars here now and between the college kids, the high school kid and the elementary kids, our house is always hopping.

Of course, this is the child that everyone pauses to kiss before heading out.

Entering the baby stage again, I noticed a few things of late. Because I'm no stranger to this whole gig, I chuckle at the comments from strangers and certainly don't allow them to fluster me like they did when I was younger.

Three observations that I've noticed as a veteran and mom of many:

1. Because I am so OLD or at least perceived to be reaching crypt-keeper status, I can't tell you how many people would ask me, "How old are you?" when I was pregnant. I don't remember anyone ever asking that with any of my previous pregnancies. I guess knowing that I had kids that were college-age piqued their curiosity, maybe they thought that the answer should fall under "Right to Know" laws, or maybe they thought I was trying to get in the Guiness Book of World Records. I don't know, but it did surprise me. Since the rest of western Pennsylvania has already asked me that question, there's no reason to keep it a secret, I'm 45...almost 46. Oh, and when they ask if this is my last one, I usually say probably, although my doctor told me, right after she delivered my baby, that her friend was born to his mother when she was 50. So who knows, maybe I'll make that World Record yet.

2.  Okay this has been addressed to my husband more than me, but still... We have been asked if all of our kids have the same mother/same father. At my husband's place of employment, they were even betting how many wives he has had. We have a 21 year span between our oldest and our youngest so I guess that I kind of understand but I didn't have my first until two years after I graduated college, it wasn't like I started at 15! But it really is a sad commentary of our society when an intact family with children spanning many years is the exception.

3. This is an observation that most moms will notice...having a baby means that that everyone has the right to give you unsolicited advice or tell you how to handle your baby. Perfect strangers in the store will chastise you if your baby is crying, fussing, sleeping, pooping, you name it. Even well-meaning relatives, who haven't raised a child in decades, will tell you what you're doing wrong. The difference between me now and my younger self? The me of then would have to leave the room crying. The me of now simply smiles and thanks them. Although sometimes I'll add that I'm the mother of six and that usually quiets them pretty fast.

Deacon Joe's homily for the 30th Sunday in Ordinary Time: Priesthood, vision, Bill Maher, and completeness

The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the parish would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

Even if you’re not on time, please still come to Church.  Our Ushers will be glad to help eat latecomers.

An Inter-faith song fest will be hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.

The Choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house.  Don’t forget your husbands.

It’s good to laugh at ourselves, it’s a big part of being human and embracing our imperfections.  Jesus was human, just like us.  Did Jesus have “bloopers”?  I don’t know, maybe he did, but regardless scholars are pretty sure Jesus told jokes and had fun with His disciples.  There are many portraits out there of the “Laughing Jesus”.  We really don’t think of Jesus very much in that way, we look more to the image of the cross, and that’s as it should be, but we need to remember that Jesus was like us IN ALL THINGS, but sin.  Jesus being like us in all things is important because he could identify with us and we can identify with Him.  This mutual identification allows Jesus to fulfill the role of High Priest, and it is through the role of High Priest that Jesus can deliver us from our sins.  Our ability to identify with Jesus also has impact on us today through the establishment of the priesthood in the Church.  Today, by the way, just happens to be Priesthood Sunday, and what a great opportunity to let our priests know how much we truly appreciate them. 

I sincerely hope you’re able to identify with our Priests.  Yes, they do live differently from the rest of us, but they are very much human and come from families very much like ours.  Our priests have made great sacrifices for us, just to get to ordination, and they continue to make great sacrifices for us to be able to bring us in contact with God through the sacraments.  As a Deacon, I feel so very blessed to be able to do God’s work closely alongside Fr. Kleppner, and Fr. Mariusz, and in fact, God has blessed me throughout my entire life by continually surrounding me with great men that were Priests, and I would be remiss if I didn’t mention our regional vicar Fr. Sam Esposito as someone I am truly indebted to.  A Deacon’s role, is to help bridge any gap between the Priesthood any the laity, by living the life of cleric, and yet living in the world (to clear up any confusion, I have a full-time job and do not get paid for what I do as a Deacon).

It is the Priesthood that is central to the passing on of the faith.  As clerics, we pass on the faith in the very same way St. Paul explains to the Church of Corinth, we pass on the faith that was handed on to us.  We do not alter the teaching of the Church.  Priests themselves do not take on followers and no one becomes a Kleppnerite or a Mariuszian, we remain members of the Church.  The clergy goes through great pains to continually educate and renew themselves to ensure that the faith that is passed on is that of Jesus Christ and the One, Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic Church.  And it is through that unchanging faith, that we are saved.

To have faith, we must also have vision.  We don’t necessarily need to see with our eyes, but we do need to have vision or a vision, in order to be able to journey with Our Lord.  In our Gospel today, we meet Bartimaeus.  St. Mark is not talking to us about just any blind man, he gives us Bartimaeus, someone with a name, someone WE CAN IDENTIFY WITH.  It’s important to note here, that we are nearing the end of the Church year, Advent is about 5 weeks away.  With the end of the Church year, we change our Gospel cycle.  This being Year B focused on St. Mark’s Gospel to Year C, which relies on the Gospel of St. Luke.  I mention this because the healing of Bartimaeus is that last healing Jesus performs in the Gospel of Mark as in Chapter 11 Jesus enters into Jerusalem to face His passion.  So this healing of the blind man Bartimaeus must have some significance. 

I digress for just a second here, to share with all of you that I am now wearing braces on my teeth.  I was an avid participant in all kinds of sports, mainly contact sports, in my childhood and young adult life.  Now that I am older, and not playing anything other than golf (which if you’ve seen me golf you could call it a contact sport), it was time for me to get braces to keep from losing my teeth as I age.  Anyway, one of the sports I enjoyed playing most was hockey.  And I remember at the start of every season, my teammates would get mad at me because I would have a very difficult time passing the puck.  It wasn’t that I couldn’t see where the other players were on the ice, it was that I lacked vision, the sense of the flow of the game and not only where the players were, but how the action on the ice was developing.

Our spirituality depends upon the same kind of vision.  We are Bartimaeus.  We cannot see.  We need Jesus to give us vision.  He always asks us “What do you want me to do for you?”  Jesus is always there for us, and we know we can trust Him because we can identify with Him.  Yet, we’re afraid to ask, or perhaps we don’t know what to ask for.  Do we really want to see?  The world does not want to see.  Case in point, here’s a quote just last week from talk show host/comedian Bill Maher, “The Pope is consistently pro-life. I’m consistently pro-death.  I’m for the death penalty, killing the right people.  I’m pro-choice. I’m for assisted suicide. I’m for regular suicide.  The planet is too crowded, and we need to promote death.”   As a Christian those quotes should horrify you.  What a sad vision of life.

Only with the help of God are we able to see and have real vision.  We need to see to have faith.  We need to see God’s (not our own) truth.  We need to see that only God can make us whole and complete us.  We need to see God in each other.  We need to see that we’re all in this together.  We need to see beyond this world and embrace the Church as the single greatest source of faith.  We need to see the person of Jesus in our Priests.  We need to see ourselves, to understand our sins and how those sins (even those we consider “private”) affect others.  We need to see the harm done by Abortion, Contraception, Pornography, Euthanasia, and all other sins that the current culture promotes.  We need to see that our vote has eternal consequences.  We need to see that God loves us and wants us to love Him and when we enter into that relationship, we will have the fullness of life and not just exist.  And finally, we need to see the real presence of God in the body and blood of Our Lord Jesus Christ in the Eucharist.

Jesus comes to heal us and open our eyes to see.  If we ask Him, he will give us His vision.  And then we’ll see things as they truly are.  It is through the beauty of that truth that we’ll experience heaven, and we can “go our way, because our faith has saved us.”

Three Meditations For After Communion

It's no secret that I love St. Thomas Aquinas. His Summa is on my Kindle and I could meditate on his quotes for hours...if I had the time.

Saint Peter's List has a wonderful post about three of Aquinas' meditations for after communion.

Deacon Joe's Homily-24th Sunday in Ordinary Time

I haven't posted any of Deacon Joe's homilies in a long time. This touched me in the face of this election year.

“Fumbling His Confidence and Wondering Why the World Has passed Him by…Hoping that he’s bent for more than arguments and failed attempts to fly…We were meant to live for so much more…”  Perhaps you know the words from the rock group Switchfoot’s song ‘Meant to Live’.  This song is very appropriate to our Gospel today. 

Jesus asks us today to live for so much more. 

In our Gospel we hear about denying ourselves, taking up our cross, and losing our lives for the sake of the Gospel.  This sounds difficult, painful, not very appealing on the surface.  But what is it that Jesus is really asking us?  We need to look beyond to see the deeper meaning.

In our first reading from Isaiah we hear of the suffering servant.  Like our Gospel, this isn’t very appealing. Who wants to be beaten and spit on?  Yet, despite this mistreatment, we see that the subject of this passage perseveres.  It begs the question, why?  What does this person see or know that helps him through the abuse?

Perhaps a clue lies in our Responsorial Psalm.  Psalm 116 was written as a song of Thanksgiving.  This Thanksgiving is to God for rescuing our Psalmist from a very mortal danger.  But we also hear of despair.  How awful it would be to sense an eminent death and feel alone, where perhaps we look back and now feel we’ve spent our lives frivolously and are dying in vain.  However, our Psalmist gives us the hope that God will save us and WE shall walk before the Lord in the land of the living.  The Psalmist sees the same thing we heard about in Isaiah, but again, what is it?

Let’s take a moment and think of the person or persons we love most.  Would you want any harm to come to them?  What would you do if the threat of harm came to them?  If you answered, “I would give anything, including my life, to keep my loved ones from harm”, THIS is the love of God.  That is what Isaiah sees, that is what our Psalmist sees, the true love of God.  They are willing to endure anything, give up anything to be united with God in that ultimate love.

The ultimate love of God is what Jesus is talking to us about in the Gospel today.  We CAN deny ourselves, we CAN take up our cross, we CAN lose ourselves for the sake of the Gospel BECAUSE of the love God has for us.  The sacrifice becomes natural, because if we love God the most, we will give anything and lose ourselves for that love.

Our reading from St. James may seem a little disjointed.  The subject matter of the passage is faith and good works, however, our faith, which is a direct result of our love for God, will show itself through us in our works.  Remember, we cannot earn heaven.  Our lives should reflect the love of God inside of us and manifest itself naturally by our internal desire to bring the Kingdom of God here to earth.

There are two places in this world where God has blessed me with the sense of His Kingdom.  One is obviously the Church, not only here at St. Frances Cabrini but wherever I meet a follower of Christ.  You can sense a connection through the deep love of God that Christian believers share.  The second is the Beaver County Jail.  I’ve already lost count of how many times inmates tell me their stories and those stories strike me as identical to Old Testament stories.  The details may be different, but I hear the story of Moses (had it all, then lost it all), the story of Joseph (abandoned by family), the story of Job (nothing seemed to go right), and the story of Jonah (I ran from God).  We may think that the stories of the Old Testament were long, long ago, but they’re happening all around us today.  The inmates I meet exhausted themselves in a search for happiness, not realizing it was the love of God they were seeking.  And when they hit bottom and looked up, Jesus was standing there waiting for them.  It’s at that bottom point that they’re ready for the love God has to give them.  I think that’s a piece of the puzzle we miss.  God has an ocean of love he wants to give us, but unfortunately, we, and I mean WE, only carry around a coffee cup.

An example of denying self, taking up the cross, and losing life for the sake of the Kingdom is found in our catechists.  Today is Catechetical Sunday, and we owe a great deal of gratitude to our CCD and Religious Education Teachers.  It’s not easy passing on the faith, let me give you some examples:

One of our CCD teachers was describing the story of Lot and when Lot’s wife looked back at Sodom she turned into a pillar of salt.  One of the little girl students replied. "My mommy looked back once while she was driving, and she turned into a telephone pole."

Another of our CCD teachers was teaching the stories of the Old Testament to her class and said to her children, "We have been learning about how powerful the kings and queens were in Biblical times. But there is a higher power. Who can tell me what it is?" One little boy shouted, "I know teacher,… Aces."

In all seriousness, to our CCD and Religious education teachers, THANK YOU!

In contrast, we look at our world and see that world rejects God’s love.  If you need evidence, just look at the current events.  Violence around the world, and more division in our county than I think we’re ever seen before.  Instead of self denial we see the world selfishly pushing its own agendas and attempting to conquer the opposing side by force.  We need to remember, especially over the next six weeks, that the teaching of Jesus is not either/or, it is BOTH/AND.  As Christians we have to look at our brothers and sisters in love and try to understand their point of view and perhaps guide them, not coerce them, to the truth of God.  There are truths that cannot be compromised, but that does not give us license to respond to challenges in an uncaring way.  Pope Benedict, in his address to the National Ecclesial Convention, and this was in 2006, said “We know well that the choice of…following Christ is never easy.  Instead it is always opposed and controversial.  The Church remains…a sign of contradiction in the footstep of her Master…but we do not lose heart…on the contrary we must always be ready to give a response to whoever asks us the reason for our hope…We must answer with gentleness and reverence…with that gentle power the comes from union with Christ.”  The next six weeks will test our patience and our faith and while we must not be silent, we must respond in love.  Unlike the world, which is always trying to sell us on something, the Church’s motivation is love.  We need to tell the world that first and foremost we are Christians, followers of the Son of the one true God.  We are not followers of a political party, or of a person, those things cannot save us and will not get us to heaven.  We need the Church to help us navigate safely through the dangerous waters of this world.  If we had to cross an ocean, wouldn’t it be better to be on a large ship rather than swim by yourself?  The Church is that ship that will get us to the other side.  As Christians we have to sift through all the things the world throws at us and find the Truth of God and the Love of God in all that we do.  God calls us to rise above and see beyond.  We can see beyond in the Eucharist.  What appears to be a small wafer of bread, we know is the gift of the Body of our Lord Jesus Christ.  We receive the Eucharist and through the Eucharist we see beyond, we HAVE FAITH, we rise above.  Jesus lives inside of us and brings the love we need which leads to deny ourselves, take up our cross, and lose our lives for Him, because…We were meant to live for so much more.